The Art Of Conflict - phase 3: Redirection

Finally, we have managed to talk! The alignment phase has brought some level of reciprocal trust back in the game.

The third and final phase of the technique consists in presenting our perspective in a way that does not threaten the quality of the dialogue, and allows the true magic to develop: the creative synergy of two minds from a positive, rational confrontation of opinions.

This quality of dialog certainly represents the only property worth to monitor. A golden rule is: be ready to come back to steps 1 and 2 as often as needed (whenever you feel the balance of the relationship starts to deteriorate).

The following list presents a few effective recipes we’ve been able to apply so far with some degree of success:

• Share and understand all opinions, feeling, theories, and experiences, before bargaining
  
• Differentiate facts from opinions: both have value, but only the latter is questionable,
• Set a timeslot for a brainstorming session where you note every innovative ideas (especially rough, incomplete ones),
  
• Stay focused: don’t get sidetracked by new issues that could arise in the middle of the conversation, but consciously choose what you need to address now,
• Finish clearly: Who does What by When, set a follow-up time if needed, hold people accountable for any planned action (from the book "Crucial Conversations")

I do aknowledge that this article is very simplistic on the matter, but instead of writing a long article, that (seriously) nobody would read to the end, I instead recommend those of you who are interested to get a look at the following books on the subject, that I found truly inspiring:

• Leadership and Self deception
• The Anatomy of Peace
• Crucial Conversations
• Crucial Confrontations

And now, some quotes:

Virginia Satir

Integrity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, love-all flows easily from the person whose self-esteem is high. He feels that he matters, that the world is a better place because he is here. He has faith in his own competence. He is able to ask others for help, but he believes that he can make his own decisions and is his own best resource. Appreciating his own worth, he is ready to see and respect the worth of others. He radiates trust and hope.

Gozo Shioda (a very famous aikido sensei) sayings:

It is said that Aikido is the Way of Harmony.
I think it is simple to explain this saying.
If you face someone, and you can make that person's animosity
disappear, by your own true character,
This is the Harmony of Becoming One. This is not a compromise.
Harmony is a matter of having strength yourself, and then making the
other your ally.
He becomes your partner. This is "making harmony in opposition".
But, unless you accumulate virtue, it is impossible.
To sum up, the foundation is your inner strength.